I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
