It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
