What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
