I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
