Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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