Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
