I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
