shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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