is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
