if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Sober January is a disaster.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
