That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
