Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
