I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
