My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
