So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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