he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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