My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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