my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
