I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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