please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
