Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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