I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
we're so committed to being not committed
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
