Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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