I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
