Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
