Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
