Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
