Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
how drunk are you?
Several
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
