Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
