Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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