I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
