Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
