I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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