I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Pooping to opera.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
