I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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