forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
