Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
