At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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