Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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