Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.