just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...