quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
