I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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