I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
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I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
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That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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