How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
