The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
