well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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