fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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