Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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