my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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