What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
