Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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