oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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