I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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