so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
