I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
