And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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