Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
where are my eyebrows?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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