I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize