Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
