my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
