My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize