There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
