He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
