I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
